And so our journey begins...

If you had told me at the start of this year, I'd be ending it with 2 kids, I'd have said "I'm not very good at maths but I'm pretty sure there's not 18 months in a year..."

It's pretty crazy to get my head around the fact I'm having twins, but I suppose stranger things have happened in 2020!

I found out I was pregnant in July, last year after being really, really ill. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a pretty traumatic and life-threatening miscarriage, but that's a story for another blog post! Even though that pregnancy came as a surprise, it made us realise how much we wanted our own family some day in the near future, after we pieced our lives back together first. That being said, this pregnancy came as a complete surprise as well and even though we were not trying at the time and are now going through pregnancy during a pandemic, Jay and I couldn't be happier.

Here's how we found out...

Brush teeth, pee, remove makeup, a very laid-back skincare routine, bed. When my head hits the pillow at the end of the day, I'm asleep all night until morning, but I started to notice I was getting up during the night to pee. This continued for a few days and then I started to get up twice a night.... I thought to myself "ahh, I remember this..." and I just knew I was pregnant again despite having no other symptoms. As I stumbled to the bathroom in the dark at about 2am, I decided I would take a test the following morning.

I got up early and took a test. Negative. I was slightly confused as I was so sure!

I waited a few days and took a test again. Negative. Hmm, this didn't seem right, but I just assumed it's probably too early for the test to tell.

A few days later, I was home alone, Jay was working late and wouldn't be home until gone 10pm. I decided to take a test again, just in case and there it was... the 2nd line!

I didn't know what to do with myself and sat on the sofa debating what to do next! Jay was driving home and I debated hiding the test and telling him in a few days on his birthday but I'm awful at keeping secrets! So, I asked Jay to pick up some more tests on his way home.

I did another one that night and the rest the next morning. All with the same result.

Our reaction to the pregnancy...

Now, me and Jay both have good full time jobs, a big house, a nice car, we are hopelessly in love, have been together for a few years now and are constantly sitting down to discuss our goals and plans for our future but I wouldn't say we have our life together by any means! That being said, we've always wanted to have kids one day and losing the baby the previous year really broke our hearts after we had been so excited and started preparing for a family together. We both wanted to try again straight away but after starting new jobs and evaluating how much we needed to prepare we decided to wait - even though our lives now seemed emptier.

Sitting in front of a positive pregnancy test after what we had been through should be happy right? I should be excited... but I wasn't. All I could feel was fear and anxiety. I knew I couldn't relive a loss again, and how much harder it would be a 2nd time.

I decided not to get excited, not to think of names, or look at baby clothes like I did last time and just keep the news between me and Jay. We agreed not to tell family until at least 12 weeks or as many people call it the "safe point".

We went to work every day, like usual and then it happened... CORONAVIRUS.

When we first found out we were pregnant, coronavirus was the least of our worries. How could a flu-like virus in a Chinese city really affect our lives?

Sadly, everything happened so quickly. I watched friends lose their jobs and family members, we were all locked away in our houses, public attractions and shops closed and little did we know that we probably wouldn't see our family and friends for months.

I wont go int too much detail as I will make a separate blog post about pregnancy during a pandemic. It's definitely different and not what I expected.

Like most, I started working from home and during that time I hit the 8 week mark, which is the earliest you can go for a private ultrasound scan with most companies. We decided to wait an extra week and go at 9 weeks just incase we had got the dates wrong. We were extremely nervous, especially me, but I was experiencing severe nausea, headaches, and fatigue so I was hoping that was a good sign!

On the 16th of April we went for the 9 week scan... as most of you already know by now, there was not one, but TWO healthy babies!

A huge cloud of anxiety lifted from both of us and we just couldn't believe how lucky we were and how fortunate we were that the babies both had good strong heartbeats. We got back in the car and finally decided it was time to tell the family

Now I guess the rest is history!

This is a scary but exciting adventure for us both. I think we have felt every emotion and worry but we are just feeling like the luckiest people alive!

I am now writing this at 16 weeks and 4 days pregnant and I want to take anyone who is interested along for the ride, but most importantly be a resource and a friend to other people out there who have been through similar experiences to myself, are on the same journey or hope to be one day.

From finding out I was pregnant last year, to dealing with pregnancy loss, grief and healing, to pregnancy after loss and finding out I am going to be a Mum of multiples, I have always used Youtube, blogs and social media to find other women's stories to relate to and to validate how I am feeling. Pregnancy is scary and lonely sometimes and I hope I can be a comfort to other women and be as raw and honest as I can be in the hope that it will help someone else. Plus, social media doesn't always represent an individuals life or personality and I feel it's important for me to convey that.

Sorry this blog post is long. I will probably have shorter posts as I talk about more specific topics.

I hope you enjoyed and feel free to contact me if you want to discuss/ask me anything. Until next time! :)

#twins #fraternaltwins #momoftwins #twinmom #mommyblogger #momblogger #lifestyle #family #momofmultiples #pregnancy #twinpregnancy